Pretend Adulthood, the Job Search, and My Encounter with Queen Bey

I just want you all to know that Colleen and I met Beyonce this morning.

Beyonce

I don't know her real name but I bestowed upon her this title because she was wearing a very glamorous studded collar, and judging by our meeting she is an independent woman who don't need no man.

Now that I've got introductions out of the way.

I'm thinking I'll try and blog about once a week. The specific day of the week is tentative because I never really know when I'm going to have time between work hours. I also don't like blogging at night because chances are I'm probably drunk and emotional, and I already have enough of a problem drunk texting/dialing/facebooking/eating, so blogging, naturally, would be impaired as well. Yes.

Mostly this blog is going to be complaints. I'm trying my hardest to look for a decent job for the winter, because as many of you know, the Island doesn't happen in the winter. Well, for the most part. Some people stay. Honestly, I might be one of them. I found an opportunity working with a NPO for the winter and perhaps the next year, but that would involve moving here, where when it snows and the straits freeze over, the only means of transport on and off the rock are via plane and snow machine. Both of which I HATE. However, I also want to see what life is like here in the winter because all I know so far is what I've learned from monotonous, pain-filled hours watching the 20 minute trailer for the Ice Bridge DVD we sold at MSHP. The reality may be better or worse; I've heard differing opinions. 

Colleen and I have a backup plan in case neither of us has found work for after this season, which is making use of a TEFL program and using the opportunity to travel abroad, most likely South Asia; I'm really interested in Thailand. I think this would be the best option, because I really don't know when I'm going to get to travel later in my life and I want to be doing something while I'm doing it. Like teaching English to children. Okay, I know that's insane that I want to do it, I'm like the least child-friendly person you probably know, even though I've worked a lot with them in different jobs. Like, they love me for some reason, but I kinda hate them. I don't get it. I mean sometimes they're okay, but I have to try really hard to be patient. 

Which is why I don't have any of my own yet. I could work with kids, but I don't want to necessarily have any yet. You might say "Maria why would you even possibly have kids at this point? You buy alcohol with dimes and you eat Kraft Dinner 4x a week [more on KD later]," to which I tell you, you're absolutely right. But it's not that weird these days, honestly, because a lot of friends my age have kids. It's not crazy to think someone as old as me might have them by now. But you're right. I can't have children. Because I'm a children.

Yeah sort of on that note but not really, Colleen and I were making Kraft Dinner or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as it is more commonly called in the States, and the box says something like "remember this awesome shit from your childhood? We bet you love making it for your kids and the other neighborhood rats and occasionally sneaking a forkful, it's okay! Your family loves this shit! Share this precious moment with your little snot weasels and reminisce about your youth!" I was really thinking it should probably read with something more honest like: "We know you're poor as shit and KD is your dinner of greatest convenience. We know you're 23, drunk, and you spent all your money on a gallon of Canada House and a 2-litre of Diet Coke so 79 cent cheese noodles is all you can afford and/or manage to cook. We also know you're eating the entire box to yourself, don't worry! Enjoy poverty you neon-orange-fingered societal failure" Or at least, that's what I think to myself when I eat it.

This entry was pretty much all over the place so I'm sorry. This is what I've been thinking about today. I'll try and leave you with a pearl of wisdom that my boss Becki left me earlier today: "bossy women are just exhibiting leadership skills." That's probably not even the exact quote and has nothing to do with this post, I'm sorry, but I thought it was pretty cool and sort of something Beyonce might say. The real one, not the furry one I met this morning. Anyway, that's what Becki told me when I said I have a pathological need to control the host stand at all times. She's the best.

That's it that's the post

First Blog Post (Would Be a Misleading Title)

That title sounds like the single off a Fall Out Boy album, and I'm only partially sorry for that. So for anyone who's interested in my casual trainwreck of a life, I am starting a blog and this is my first post. I guess I should clarify that this is not my first blog post of life, just on this blog. I am not new to blogging. I have a very extensive tumblr archive, the content of which is not a hundred percent conducive to maintaining my relationships with people I communicate with via social media (by that I mean I post a lot of gifs from gory exploitation films and John Waters classics, bad TV, stripper fashion, and high res photos of pizza, among other weird stuff I find cool) SO I think this would be a better way to share what's going on in my life. Oh, I also had a Livejournal once, add that to my resume.

I made this blog because I like to write about things, if you've known me for more than five minutes then you might know that, but you've probably never read most of the shit I've written because I am incredibly self-conscious and shy. For the record, that's probably also why most people think I'm a rude bitch when they meet me, but I promise that's the real reason why, because I have no idea how to verbally express words. They also probably think I'm borderline retarded, which might be marginally true, but I digress.

Anyway, I don't let people read much of what I've written for that reason (shy; not retarded), and I've turned down multiple people's offers to get anything published (well, that's partially because one piece was about someone I had a restraining order against once and I'm scared of them), so much of my writing hasn't been aired out. ANYWAY, point being, this blog is to try to change that. Additional reasons include, but are not limited to:

1. I read Ashlee's blog (which is awesome) every time she posts and I thought to myself "well Maria if one person you know can maintain a great blog for more than a month, so can you"
2. It gives me an opportunity to make lists.
3. I experience a Kanye West-level narcissism
4. A lot of people have told me that my posts on Facebook are, in their words, "ridiculous," "funny," "insane," "my favorite thing to see when I first get online in the morning," "completely manic," etc, so I thought I would make posts that are longer and more in depth to express more fully how confused I am by this gay earth because you so much enjoy it
5. I have a lot of things to say that I think are important, also I have a lot of questions.
6. I don't do anything besides work so I think it would be beneficial to produce something besides green paper.
7. I gotta bitch about Rich White Ladies somewhere.

I hope that something good comes from this blog and I hope I can stick with it. Also, I hope that you read it. If you've read this far, you're incredible; shit, you might be a wizard. I applaud you and implore you to continue following my blog posts because they'll probably be okay, maybe, I guess. I originally made a whole post about how I want to facilitate real change in the world but I can't at this point in my life because I am just a Maria and broke as shit right now, but it was pretty depressing so I deleted it. Maybe I'll publish it later, who knows. Most of it was about how much I despise privatization of government services so I guarantee you are better off with this brain fart of an entry. 

That's it, that's the post.